Oh Wonder by LDPaul (2022)

Scribe Post 002

Initially published on Instagram and performed in 2018 at the Bowery Poetry Club, this vignette about my wonders of fame and my own success has been reworked from then and re-spoken at Poetry Me, Please's 4th showcase.

Standing up here, I'm wondering if you'll really enjoy having me,

Wondering if I'm good enough to fit in,

Wondering if there are people in the crowd who are just like me: not too eccentric but not remotely normal, just in the middle of the quirky scale.

I'm wondering if I should've brought something to wear tonight from L train vintage, or Buffalo exchange or Monk vintage or Beacon's closet or Crossroad’s, or East village thrift shop to look the non-mainstream part, as opposed to the shit I got on. I know, who gives a fuck what I'm rocking, right?

I'm wondering if being here, I'm gonna have to verbalize mainly about social issues. Is it alright if I kinda stray from that a bit? Can I be a little low-scale? My thoughts already on a hunnid on a day by day basis. Can I talk about feeling abandoned, what I like in bed, and other random, insightful shit that conjures my obscurities? I'm sorry if I'm too wordy.

I'm sorry if you can see me sweating, see my shoulders raised like I have on shoulder pads, face looking like a doe is peering into headlights, words being slurred and stuttered like I have speech impendiment, body shaking that you can see cartoonish, after effect outlines to show my quakiness. My bad for being too apologetic.

Do y’all care if I've read anything dope? Between you and I, I'm a fan of junot Diaz and I've been trying to cop "Drown" for the longest. Do you care if I give spiritual, hotep nigga vibes? I know, two slightly different things, but don’t worry, the last one don’t apply. Do you care if sometimes I'll sound eloquent and nerdy, and sometimes I'll talk with slang? I hope you won't think I'm tryna be fake.

Deep down inside, I wanna know if y’all can dig the real me? I've got a lot to say, not now because (three) minutes soon be finished, but it's no secret that I want to be accepted. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care what others thought, even though I've managed that trait and shoved it down from years ago. But if I should've just been straight forward about why I'm up on this stage, it's because standing here as the creative I am, this is something I care about. And I don't want to fuck up.

So I say - welcome.

Like what you've read? Check out the performed version here.