Shadow's Daybreak by LDPaul (2022)

Scribe Post 003

Performed as the second poem for Poetry Me, Please's 4th showcase, I wrote this poem at a time when I was just getting smacked nearly every day to cope with some emotional pain. I guess you can consider this my "Hi-Piphany". But here's to posting about inner-pain and darkness while transmuting it into creativity.

Do I know myself?

Or do I wanna be someone else?

Or everyone else?...

Now's the part where y'all go -

"Ouhhh"

"Lil bro's spittin"

"I ain't even know homie was this deep."

But why am I waitin' for y'all to validate me?

Let alone look at me or speak to me?

Don't I know the power I seek,

Is embedded deep inside me?

Or, aight bet, I know it-

But do I feel it?

Let's break down what power looks like to me.

Is it always knowing the right things to say to get what I want?

Is it attaching myself to others and leeching away like a sycophant?

Is it suffering in silence,

Or suffering while staying silent,

Doing what I don't wanna do

Just so I can one up on the next move?

Bet I'll never make a lay up in a hoop - won't I?

Bet I'm not as defeated as I seem - am I?

I'm going the wrong way - aren't I?

I've been down the wrong way - haven't I?

"Shut the fuck up" - I just might.

Is there a point to flex - we know the answer.

Is there a point to obsess - we know the answer.

What do I wanna do to change it - everything.

Who do I wanna get away from - everyone.

But who do I want to love me - everyone.

Damn, ain't that fun?

And here I am thinking I won.

When even though the journey hasn't just begun,

It's far from being done.

The shrooms I took last night,

Barely helping me (none)

Think I been 'on one' too many times,

"For how many months this year? I'm thinking back to back, let's say - five."

Been back to back, day to days

My once innocent soul was catching no breaks,

But them bars that punched,

They somewhat melded the heartbreak.

My ego's been tryna keep a straight face,

But looking at my slim chin and gaunt cheeks,

You can tell I barely ate.

Now I got my moms, pops, gramps, and grams

Telling me I look like I aged.

But for some reason,

When the mirror peeps the smile on my face,

It somehow holds weight.

Like what you've read? Check out the performed version here.